sleep

mmm, google never fails me when searching for a picture on just how i feel.

So, just a few thoughts.
I have this wonderful, awkward love affair with the beach. I've always loved the beach, it's hard not to when you go every single summer with the greatest family in the world. But when I go without my family, it's not quite the same obviously, but there's still no denying the lure that the beach has on me. Even when I'm just sitting on the beach reading, probably not as comfortably as I could be in the beach house even, I am far more content than anywhere else. I love the sun, despite the fact that the most I ever get out of it are varying shades of pink and if I'm lucky a smattering of freckles. I love the sand. I love the hot sand that warms you after the cold ocean, and then the cool sand of the nighttime. I love the sounds and the sensations of just being in the general vicinity of the ocean. The whole experience is just pure delight. My favorite however is the beach at night. When the people are gone and the air is cool and the ocean colder. When you start out rolling your pants up determined to keep them dry and walking a safe distance from the ocean, when in all reality, by the end of the walk, you pants are carelessly wet and sandy in the thrill of the waves catching you unawares. I love just walking. Walking on the beach for me, can never be tiring, especially at night. I could walk until the sun comes up without even feeling it. There's a certain vigor and energy that I manage to just soak into my veins when I'm on the beach at night. I just love it.

exercise

So this morning I got up at a timely hour (a shock I know) and I went for a short run (even bigger shock). During the semester I had all these plans of being motivated this summer and getting up and going running every day and then painting and knitting and accomplishing in general during the day. Well clearly that hasn't happened so far, but this morning I got up and decided to go running. I mostly just felt like I needed the endorphins. Let me tell you, it was horrible. I'm in worse shape than I thought because I felt like death after just one lap around the neighborhood (my neighborhood is quite small). But I suppose you have to start somewhere, and the endorphins really are great.

However, this is what I felt like doing after five minutes.

I'm not really sure what I wanted to babble about today, I just felt like I hadn't posted anything in a while. I'm finished entirely with school for the summer. I managed to squeak out some pretty darn good grades too. I got three A's, one A-, and two B+s. I was pretty happy with myself. But now that summer's officially here I don't really know what to do with myself. I had all kinds of plans to stay busy and motivated, but all I've done so far is sleep and lounge, with empty justifications heaped on top. I've just felt kind of off lately. I'm not really sure why, and I keep looking towards EFY as if everything will be fixed once I'm there but they won't. I think I just need to teach myself self-discipline. It's been a long time coming too. we'll see how that turns out, it's something I've never quite been able to grasp on to.
Anyway, here's a fun little bit of randomness to enjoy. I think Ella Fitzgerald is just amazing. She's just hilarious. What a fun woman.

Best Mom Ever award goes to...

Since today is Mother's Day, naturally I have been reflecting on my own mother and how she's basically the best mother in the world. I would not be who I am today without my mother. My father has had a huge influence in my life as well, but I'll babble about him on Father's Day. My mother is basically amazing. We don't always agree, mostly about what I wear, but I can think of no one else I would rather become than my Mom. She's my hero. She raised four well-balanced kids in exactly the way that we needed to be raised. She's not the kind of mother to hover or have a finger in all aspects in our lives, or know exactly what happens to us every single day, but she doesn't need to. If she had been any different when we were growing up then I don't think we would have turned out so well. She's a teacher by example, and she's the best teacher ever. She taught us to be creative by creating, she taught us to be good people by caring for others and serving. She has taught us countless other lessons, but she has taught us how to love by loving. Ours was never a super affectionate house, but I never doubted once in my life that my mother (and father) loved me. I knew I would always be safe, physically, spiritually, emotionally in our house. She's just the best. I'm still learning most of her lessons, but luckily I've inherited a lot of her personality traits, actually I'm basically turning into my mother. We both tend to be a little ditzy, we both cannot speak without our hands (she's actually legit though, I just look like I'm italian). There's this video of me doing something and halfway through I start laughing, and the scary part is, I look just like her. It's weird, let me tell you. But if I was to turn into anybody in the world, I'm glad it's my mom.


Happy Mother's Day!

Negative space?

So I was just randomly looking at the jumping pictures of myself that comprise my header for this blog, and I noticed the tiny little shadows I'm casting and I find them absolutely fascinating. They're almost hidden in the shadows from the trees, but when you find them they're like little treasures. They all have such interesting shapes. I feel like they're going to run away from me like in Peter Pan and I'll have to stick them back on with soap. I just felt like I found something super special when I noticed them. That is all.

So it just occurred to me as I was wasting time on the internet instead of going to bed like a normal person, that I have very little art on my blog. Well I do have a few fantastic black and white photographs, but I feel like many would get the impression that that's all that I like, because that's all that's there. So anyway, as I was killing time I google image searched Vincent Van Gogh because he's my favorite. Just the other night, too when I mentioned Van Gogh was my favorite, someone asked me which painting, and I realized I didn't have an answer for them. In general I love all of Van Gogh's work, I just love everything about it. So naturally I love some of his most famous paintings because they're great, they truly are. But I'm always drawn to some of his other stuff. I love the movement especially in his paintings of cypresses.

But then you look at his random still life's like this skull and you can't help but love it. He brings to life even the most dead, unmoving objects. I love that.

And then look at the color in this painting of a tree. It's just exquisite.


So there's my random gush over Van Gogh. He's just the best.